When the child like view of the world went, nothing replaced it. Yes, I am alive.
You may have noticed -I, myself did- that I haven’t updated my blog for a fair time. This is due to many reasons, but the most important one, is that I am -to be fair was- in a transitional period.
This was a truly different, life changing phase that taught me a lot of things, opened my eyes, got me down from the clouds and caused me a lot of stress, anger, frustration but also made me stronger as it filled me with ambition and hope for the future.
So, at the end of the day-period and when I am looking back at it now, it was probably useful for me and also meant to be this way. After all, I am learning to fly and cannot keep my eyes from the circling skies.
I fought and I confronted with myself and other people around me that are more experienced for this purpose. But you know it happens sometimes, winners can lose and things can get strained. And I can picture myself as the loser who won. But whatever you change the dogs remain.
But let’s continue my journey with some small facts of my everyday life now and during my transitional period.
Currently I am now a full time employed, proud citizen of West London (I was living in East London during the last four months, so you can say “From East to West”). I am working on many interesting things that keep me very busy and I have signed not to talk about them. I am part of a very interesting, diverse and cooperative team and we get loads of fun while working together.
The whole thing -as well as most of the things at this time- happened really randomly and at the right moment, that’s why I believe it will be a very pleasant journey, although it started -like all the good things in life do- completely by absolutely correct timing. That momentary lapse of reason, that binds a life for life. Sometimes you think this bond has weakened, but far away you find yourself from the truth. It’s there, like a dim candle burning, ready to cause blaze.
I like my London house very much and it really feels like home. My flatmate is a Greek drummer who is about to study and work in London and we have a lot of quality time together, sharing ideas and discussing about drums, music and various other things. He also has an electronic drum kit and we are going to try some new and interesting things.
Something else to mention, I just posted this blog post using my optic fibre VDSL connection and to say the truth, it really feels great. I mean, I was used to a miserable Greek 2 mbps ADSL connection for the last years. I waited weeks for this connection and I had a hard time without it, so now that I am again connected to the grid, it feels good.
I really like the area around my house, I have tons of shops and things to do. I also have fair connections to main tube lines, which is critical in a city like London. I was really sick of dodgy East London, I am really happy that things are so much better now. And I feel very lucky, because we actually searched, found and entered the house in less than 10 days.
This is the good part. The bad part is the stabbings in the back. From people you would never expect. Maybe this is the reason why many people find themselves on the turning away. From many things, worst case scenario from life itself. It takes courage the act of flying on the wings of the night as the daytime is stirring.
Sometimes I get really frustrated while searching for the answers, but I am probably asking the wrong questions. Probably I cannot put myself in the position of these kinds of people, because I am not one of them.
Probably, I will never understand why some people spit in the fan. But after all, the problem is not mine. The only thing you realise after a while, is the time and the energy you may have wasted on them. Sad. And also how many people around you were overlooked when they actually stood a chance. Even more sad.
I got in the plane and I got away from it. I was the man who ran, I heard a child inside me who cried, I saw in front of me, with my own eyes, a girl who heard a voice that lied. And I did the right thing. It felt right, simple, difficult and right. Like all tough things in life are. You don’t have a second chance, another choice. All you have to do, you simply do it. Or you keep regretting for your whole life. The red rimmed eyes, the tears still run as he fades into the setting sun…
After all, there are really no answers to those questions. It just happens. And you have to collect your pieces and carry on, stronger. And then you find out who is really out there for you, even if you didn’t have the slightest expectation or idea about it.
She has always been here, she has always looked out from behind the eyes. Probably she got tired of the waiting. But I don’t know if this is the way it has always been. I suppose so.
But they were also always there. They were silently cheering you when you were succeeding, they thought about you when you were lost, they were trying to give you the warning signs when you were too high and you couldn’t see through the clouds and the mist the real situation in front of you.
….And they were there to pick you up when you fell and you were in a need of a helping hand….
Yet again, there I was, waiting alone for the plane to transfer me to my new life, feeling deep in my bones the terminal frost. Lots of eyes, staring eyes, playful eyes, melancholic eyes, sad eyes. Everybody in his own world.
But after all, I arrived to my destination. And Great Britain has a very majestic and eccentric way of saying welcome. I arrived and I had torrential rain and wind giving me a hard time till I reach a good friends house. There was a man that dreamed of green fields and rivers. He awakes to a morning with no reason for awaking.
I was haunted by the memory of a lost paradise, in my youth or a dream, I cannot be precise. This world though has departed. And a piece of me has died.
I talked to the river of lost love and dedication, but silence replied my swirl invitation. I was left with dust in my eyes, that blinded my sight. I was left in silence, that speaks so much louder these words, of promises broken…
But I will be fine in the end.
After all, it’s just a ride.